i remember what it was like to be
clouded and obscured(in
a way unlike now), when
pain seemed more warming than laughter,
and darkness seemed brighter
than sunlight.
i remember the dull,
gnawinggnawinggnawing
ache in the depths
of my chest
at every forgotten call
and every excuse
as to why it was acceptable
for him(whoever he was)to disappoint me.
i remember that tears weren't common,
despite the feeling of a dull blade
piercing the breastbone,
but they fell once or twice
at the thoughtlessness and carelessness
that oozed from his every action.
and it is because of these
memories(how i'd rather forget)that
i sit quietly now,
eyes silently watching him
as he goes about his life
and about his world,
wondering(what incredulous wonder)how
on earth i have managed
to earn him,
wondering what it is that
he sees when his
eyes silently watch me,
wondering when his body will next be
slumbering against me,
wondering.
thanking.
forgiving.
loving.
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