In This Case, Wandering Equates Lost

the concept of "what if" is

often(too commonly)explored.

it creates for the wonderer

a world of possibility,

most of which

cannot be obtained

and will

never

be obtained,

thus resulting in the complete

lo(disappearing act)ss of said

wonderer to these

hypothetical

imaginary

fantastical

make-believe

situations.

yet i find myself to be a wonderer

from time to time,

despite all attempts at grip(vice)ping

my focus like the hand of a small child.

the thought of never having him

knowing him

(most of all)loving him

is one i cannot comprehend,

yet some 22(and 7/8ths)odd years were lived

and experienced

and known

and had

without him(though, perhaps,

there had always been a hole,

meant only for him).

his house would be another dwell(home)ing

i would have never explored or known.

his smile(like the first warmth of summer)would have

shone for someone else.

his eyes(how i can drown in them)would gaze

softly

eversosoftly

at another, perhaps more deserving.

his hands(strong and perfectly constructed)would have

reached for her's, whoever she is,

while their toes were lost amongst the grains of sand

at the mouth of the atlantic.

and his lips(perfect and divine)would have

intertwined and mingled with lips not my own.

but i cannot lose myself in this

ridiculous(utterly)world of

situations that melan my choly.

the ultimate fact of the matter is that he is

here,

he is

known,

he is

loved(my god,

he is loved);

he is

Mine.